The Different Layers of Online Friendships

Exploring Online Friendships

The Internet experience without personal connection is like going to a party, standing in the corner and just watching while everybody else is having a good time.  There might be a few interesting moments, but you’d be missing the point of the party.  Enter online friendships.

I started blogging for many reasons, but have come to cherish online friendships the most.  Whether for collaborative purposes or just to have a fellow blogger share a common interest, it is human connection that renders blogging into such a rich experience.  In this post I will discuss the different aspects of various online relationships while defining their purpose and potential.

From shallow to deep…

8: The Comment Conversation. This is one of the ‘lightest’ connections, but also one of the best when beginning.  A simple @SoAndSo with a few thoughts to fallow and you’re one step closer to a fellow citizen of the sphere.  Many of these will never move past the first reply and might even go without one, but this should not discourage your attempts to connect in an effective yet subtle way.

7: A social media ‘nudge’. Whether it be a tap on the back in Twitter or a post on another bloggers Facebook wall, attempting to connect through social media is a great way to dig a little deeper.  Subtle, but also more direct than engagement through comments, this scenario is often a great way to plant a seed of relational recognition.

6: Direct email. If the first two mentions are like sharing a few words while passing at a party, then sending an email would be the Blogopolis equivalent to sending someone a text message.  There’s certainly a lot more potential for rejection, and you are asking a bit more from the person on the other end, but if you are successful with this sort of connection, your options for future relations increase exponentially.

5: Instant Messaging. If email is like a text message, than IM’ing is a phone call.  The stakes go WAY UP, but so do the possibilities.  Just like a phone call, the person may answer, but may also quickly retreat from the conversation.  You might get a “hello,” quickly followed by a “it was nice talking to you” two sentences later.  This method of outreach should be approached with extra caution.  If the other party is not interested in the exchange, they must feel comfortable backing out.  If a connection IS made, you will be just a few steps away from a new addition to your online friendships.

4: Audio chat. Similar to a phone call, this option breaks the ’sound barrier’ when it comes to connection.

3: Video Chat. This is the Blogoplis equivalent to asking someone out for a cup of coffee.  You are face to face and voice to voice.  Many bloggers are private and this is sometimes asking too much.  Working up slowly to this is almost always the way to go.  Jump right in with, “You want to video chat?” and you might just scare off the very blogger you’re trying to connect with.

2: Phone call. Not necessarily more personal than an audio and/or video chat, but there’s definitely something different about speaking with a blogger on the phone.  It’s as if you’ve removed your blogging hats for the moment.  Maybe it’s because you use that same connection to talk to your spouse or local friends.  The phone is almost a half a step outside of Blogopolis, making it a singular experience.  I know when Sean and I first spoke on the phone we shared an odd feeling between us as the almost surreal world of the blogosphere grew tangible for the first time.

1: Meeting in person. Nothing compares to a handshake or a hug.  No amount of technology can replicate the power of human touch and the experience of sharing the same oxygen.  I’ve yet to meet a resident of Blogoplis in person, but I know this will soon change.  This is not necessity for strong blogging relationships to blossom, but certainly a worthwhile progression for your most cherished online friendships.

Get your feet wet first.

Each blogging connection will be different and none follow a single set of rules, but there ARE some common progressions worth pointing out.

Sometimes you may just fall into a conversation or find yourself on the other end of a great email from your future blogging buddy, but for the rest of the time it is best to start small.  I listed the different connection types in a progressive format for the benefit of this part of the post.  Starting with an @ kind of ‘hello’ is often times the best way to get your face in front of another blogger you may want to befriend.  After a few positive replies, moving to that next step of direct connection will help progress the possibilities.

Once you feel like the two of you are comfortable connecting through email, it might be time to share a chat.  Always be sure to keep the conversation about the other blogger, or at least when the ball is in your court.  As in any real life relationship, no one likes an attention hog.  Finally, if you find your connection is more than that of the occasional, “How ‘ya doing?”  you may decide that regular face to face (most likely of the video kind) is where you’ll end up.  By this point you are certainly sharing a two sided online friendship, and have successfully tapped into the best Blogopolis has to offer.

Eric

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